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Author: MJ Klimenko

THE END OF WINTER

March 31, 2014
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| Categories: Depression

Even though we know we need water to end the drought, we are tired of cold, gray days and we long for spring's first warmth. Winter doesn't seem so bad until it's gone on for a few months and then, as impatient as if we were standing in front of a microwave waiting for 30 seconds to end, we want sunshine, we want to go outside, shed our jackets and coats and feel the sun (O.K. slathered in sunscreen) on our eager faces. Some people might notice they feel more irritable, some a little blue or blah. Nothing seems interesting and curling up under a soft down comforter seems like just the right thing to do. The acronym SAD was devised some years back for a newly discovered type of depression called, Seasonal Affective Disorder, basically meaning: Where is the sun and why is it so cold and why can't I ride my bike, walk my dog, run on the beach, and how many more days do I have to stay inside? SAD is particularly prevalent in places like Alaska because of the long months of twilight and cold temperatures. Light banks have been used successfully by many and they...

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ANXIETY

March 31, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety

When you were a kid did you ever suddenly wonder how your body was breathing then suddenly feel your chest tighten and think that maybe you couldn't or wouldn't keep breathing? O.K. I was considered strange by my brothers, I did and you didn't, but it does illustrate a point I'd like to make. The point being that we do so many things naturally until we begin to think about it. Now thinking, most of the time, is a good thing. But thinking about whether or not you have cancer or whether or not you can sleep or whether or not you can breathe, only increases anxiety and that's what happens in a panic attack. Something triggers the attack and it could be anything. Let's say your parents got a divorce when you were a kid and you didn't know who you were going to live with, whether or not it was your fault, whether or not your parents were still going to love you and so on. Now, grow yourself up about thirty years and begin having a hard time at work, your boss is too tough on you, making new demands on you, you're not sure whether or...

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A SENIOR THOUGHT

March 31, 2014
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| Categories: Aging, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Seniors, Transitions

After we've raised families, or retired, or completed "middle age," and moved on, we sometimes feel sad and depressed or empty and lost. An important aspect of aging is that, as we age, we still need to "matter." Mattering to someone isn't the same as being needed because we're better than the bank (no interest loan that never gets paid back) or are convenient baby sitters. Mattering means we count, we're wanted at the family gathering because we're interesting and enjoyable, not that we're "parked" at the family gathering because, oh well, what else are they going to do with us? Mattering means seeing someone's face light up at the sight of us or hearing the phone ring because someone wants to talk to us or someone wants to come and visit or someone wants us to come and visit. Becoming irrelevant in our lifetimes is a sad state of affairs and doesn't happen in many other cultures. In other cultures Mom and Dad live with the family as they age. Sometimes two or three generations all live under the same roof or in very close proximity to each other. Mom and Dad matter, they are wanted and appreciated, not...

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HOW TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL ARGUMENT OR DIFFICULT DISCUSSION

March 31, 2014
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| Categories: Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

This is a technique that is a very simple tool to vastly improve communications between any two people, man and woman, parent and child, employer and employee, immediately. For many years, along with Fair Fighting, I've instructed people in this technique. Yet, I find that people will try it for a day or two and then not use it anymore. I've tried to understand why people won't use something that is so helpful and will greatly reduce, if not eliminate, conflict and lead to conflict resolution. I've inferred that there are two or three things about this technique that cause people to ignore using it during times when it absolutely should be used. First, when people are upset or angry, they want to say what they have to say, in rapid fire, making sure they deliver all of their points to the other person as quickly as possible and then, when the other person is talking, they are only hearing part of what is being said while, at the same time, composing in their mind what they are going to say next. So the person who is talking doesn't get the full attention of the listener. I've observed that people...

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FEELING EMPTY

March 31, 2014
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| Categories: Depression, Life Stress, Personal Growth

Our feelings are very important, even negative feelings, because they tell us something about ourselves. Just like a pain in our foot indicates there's something wrong with our foot, and we need to pay attention to it or we could injure it further, negative emotions are signals to us to pay attention. Feeling empty isn't the same as feeling lonely although it's a kissing cousin and could be there as well. Feeling empty is how a person can feel even when they're in a relationship, one they like. Drinking or using drugs might fix that feeling in the short term but in the long term it will only make the feeling worse. Schools today have had to stop emphasizing the arts because of "No Child Left Behind." Teachers are forced to teach for the tests and cannot allow time for very much creative work. So, children aren't learning how to self-soothe by pursuing individual creative interests. Being absorbed in painting, writing, photography, and many other types of creative endeavors allows the individual time to separate from the external world and become completely absorbed in what they're doing, following their own noses, so to speak. Shopping doesn't count, going to lunch...

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UNFORTUNATELY

March 31, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Life Stress, Personal Growth

Before we can react in a way that gives us the best chance of getting what we want from any interaction, we need to know what's really going on. For instance, you manage to make your way through a telephone tree that seems as if it was put together by a six year old. You only had ten minutes and now you have six or seven left. You finally get a live person and what you want to know is whether or not your insurance is due or your payment was received. The person asks you for your last name, date of birth, last four numbers of your social, zip code, city, dog's name, mother's name, brother's address, well maybe not all that but that's what it feels like and you say it all. They say you SHOULD have been sent that information and they can't give you that information anyway because you've called the wrong department. They sound angry, they are curt, they don't offer to transfer your call. They tell you in a very abrupt way that you have to call this other department, click. Then you are staring at a phone that doesn't have a person on...

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