A DIFFERENT WAY TO LOOK AT CHANGE

Most people in relationships will try to change if their partner nags, yells, threatens divorce, or refuses to speak for a week. They'll change for a short time but they won't really change because they resent you and they resent how mean you are to them. They don't think of what they could/should be doing to foster a good relationship. That would require taking responsibility for the problem which they can't do because they, in my example, don't have a problem. You have the problem. You can change yourself. A different way to look at change is to think of your partner as someone who wants to please you (even if you don't believe it) and approach your partner as if he/she were your best friend. Isn't it interesting how nice we are to friends and how rudely we can behave toward our partner because we have rationalized to ourselves that they deserve it. Then think of something you can offer your partner by way of change. For instance, if you are very unhappy about your partner turning into a couch potato to watch ball games all day on Sundays, and you feel lonely and uncared for, try offering something...

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BORED IN THE BEDROOM?

You don’t have to be married twenty-years to feel like having sex with your partner would be much more interesting if you could just watch TV oVer his/her shoulder. If you can relate even a little bit to that then it’s likely that your partner isn’t having a peak experience either. I know. I can hear the women howling as I type. Yes, ladies, he probably won’t turn away an invitation but don’t think for a moment he doesn’t wish you’d spice it up a bit. The chief complaint I hear from men is that their partner used to like sex but now she doesn’t anymore. She had a kid, she’s not sexual, she’s too busy, is always sick, and so on. First, if you’re not having a great time your partner isn’t either so don’t throw yourself into a silent sulk or get a sick headache. It’s your job to take control of the situation and make some changes. Recognize that your partner’s crystal ball isn’t working. You can wish all you want but, if you don’t say anything, nothing is likely to change. Don’t do the “I’m great and everything would be great if he/she would only change.”...

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