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LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES

January 31, 2014
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| Categories: Life Stress, Parenting/Children

            This article pertains to teenagers because consequences are different depending on the age and stage of the development of the child.             First here’s a list of things you need to know about your teenager as they individuate and separate from their family of origin, returning once they’ve successfully navigated adolescence: 1.  Every teenager needs:            a. some rules that never change like they can’t take the car to Lake Tahoe to hang out with their friends for the weekend and having a cell phone is dependent on getting at least a C average in school.             b. some rules can be negotiated like, “If you want to go to the movies after school and you know I don’t let you go to the movies after school what can you do in terms of school work that will show me it’s O.K. for you to go to the movies with Susan this afternoon.”             c. some freedom to choose. If she wants to wear a purple hair extension in her hair it’s fine. 2.  Your teenager will tell you and act like they are in complete control of their lives in word, thought, and deed, especially if they’re hearing something...

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AND YOU ASKED?

January 22, 2014
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| Categories: Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

When I’m working with couples one thing I frequently hear is one person telling the other person what they think, want, feel. I’m always amazed because the other person hasn’t said what they think, want or feel.  The psychological term for this is “projection” meaning the person “projects” on to the other person what they think, want, feel or fear. For instance, if she tells him that she knows he wants a divorce, it can be true that he does want a divorce but it might also not be true. Who knows? He didn’t say it, she did. I use her as the antagonist in this vignette because women most often engage in this style of non-communication although some men do it too.  O.K. That’s the psychological explanation. In real life terms what I see is a whole lot of people telling other people what they think, want, or feel, without ever asking them. Usually, once the accusation has been made, the person making the accusation just keeps on talking, never mind giving the accused a chance to answer.  So this is how it goes:  She: “You haven’t been happy with me for a long time.  He: Silence  She: “Why...

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SOCIAL ANXIETY

January 16, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Life Stress, Personal Growth

If you know twenty people you know someone who suffers from social anxiety. That’s when a person has anxiety or fear about being judged by others or rejected by others when in some sort of group activity. People with social anxiety often feel like other people are looking at them and thinking negative thoughts about them. Sometimes social anxiety can be so severe it can lead to agoraphobia, a fear of going out of the house at all. Most cases of social anxiety involve avoiding social situations if possible or showing up late and leaving early. It’s a rare person who talks about having social anxiety because they already feel “weird” and out of place. They don’t want to draw any more attention to the fact that they’re counting the seconds until they can leave and escape the discomfort of the situation or that they have a heart beating closer to the way a rabbit’s heart beats than a human’s or feel nauseous or have sweaty palms or all of those symptoms. Social anxiety can be so severe a person can actually get sick before having to go somewhere and often this results in the person not going after all....

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SLEEP ON IT

January 14, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

            Sometimes it’s a good idea just to go to bed and get some sleep. Notice the qualifier, “sometimes,” because going to bed early every night can be a way to avoid your partner altogether and that’s not helpful. If that’s the case you need to talk about it. Here are some times when sleeping on it is a good idea: 1. You and your partner are having an argument that just seems to be getting worse the longer it goes on and you both have to work in the morning. You probably aren’t going to solve anything if you’ve been arguing for awhile. When you wake up both of you should have cooled off by several degrees so you can resume the discussion as level headed adults and not screaming children. You might even find that the “problem” isn’t a problem anymore. 2. You are feeling a lot of stress at work, the kids seem to be attempting to break the sound barrier and your partner is ignoring you and you don’t know why. Getting a good night’s sleep will allow you to ask your partner if something is bothering her in a tone of voice that conveys to...

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“YOU ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE PERSON YOU THINK YOU ARE”

January 12, 2014
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| Categories: Personal Growth

This is a very interesting article about "priming" your brain and learning more about yourself. One thing it says is, "understand what you're feeling when you're feeling it, what the root cause is, and what you can do about it." Just accomplishing that can create tremendous and positive change in your life including your perception of yourself. www.lifehacker.com/5747213/how-to-hack-your-brain All posts unless reposts are copyrighted by MJ Klimenko and can't be duplicated or copied without permission of the author.

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