it’s a good idea just to go to bed and get some sleep. Notice the qualifier, “sometimes,”
because going to bed early every night can be a way to avoid your partner
altogether and that’s not helpful. If that’s the case you need to talk about
it. Here are some times when sleeping on it is a good idea:

1. You and your partner are having an argument that just
seems to be getting worse the longer it goes on and you both have to work in
the morning. You probably aren’t going to solve anything if you’ve been arguing
for awhile. When you wake up both of you should have cooled off by several
degrees so you can resume the discussion as level headed adults and not
screaming children. You might even find that the “problem” isn’t a problem

2. You are feeling a lot of stress at work, the kids seem to
be attempting to break the sound barrier and your partner is ignoring you and
you don’t know why. Getting a good night’s sleep will allow you to ask your
partner if something is bothering her in a tone of voice that conveys to her
you’re not looking to be defensive, that you really are interested in what she’s
feeling and would like her to share with you. And the kids either aren’t up yet
or they’ve gone off to school so you don’t have that distraction to deal with
while you’re trying to listen and engage your partner in a meaningful conversation.
Don’t get defensive, listen.

3. You’re paying the bills and you notice she apparently
lost her mind and charged some, in your opinion, very frivolous things even
though you’ve both talked about getting that credit card bill down. Finishing
up without saying anything and getting some sleep will allow you to explore
this sensitive issue with her with an open mind and a willingness to listen to
what she has to say about the charges. Hopefully, you will also be able to tell
her how you feel without disparaging her or being angry or sarcastic. The idea
is to come to an agreement or to continue to work on the agreement you already
have about using the credit card. She won’t agree to anything nor will she be
mindful of what she’s doing if she feels like you’ve unfairly attacked her.

4. You’ve had too much to drink and she said or did
something that really bugs you and you want to tell her in no uncertain terms
how you feel about what she did or said. Unless you just love late night
fights, don’t go there. Alcohol is a de-inhibitor, meaning you’re very likely
to say things that, in the clear light of day, you will regret. Words can’t be
taken back. You can apologize but, if you said something really hurtful, she
will always remember it even if she accepts your apology. Put enough of those “dings”
in a relationship and you’ll lose the relationship, better to get a good night’s

            There are
other reasons besides the ones I’ve listed here to get a good night’s sleep
before saying or doing anything you will regret. Learn to recognize those
situations and your relationship will improve even if it wasn’t all that bad to
begin with.

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