In my last blog I wrote about some things women do that, although they seem nice, have more to do with dependency and smothering than loving.
I imagined some women reading the article and thinking, “Well, I wouldn’t be so clingy if I knew he actually loved me.” It’s a fair statement for many women.
I’m talking about the “chicken and egg” cycle where he wants sex and she doesn’t and she wants conversation and he doesn’t and who knows who did what to whom first?
This blog is an article about what he does that turns her off and a few things he can do to turn her on. A common complaint I hear from men in my office is that they had a good sexual relationship with their wife before they got married or before they had children and now they resent feeling like they have to beg for sex or stand on their heads while they mow the lawn before she feels ready. They really don’t understand how they’ve contributed to the problem.
Here you go guys. Think about this list before you dismiss it as being dumb or a bunch of psychobabble. It’s likely that, making just a few changes yourself, you will find she appreciates you more and is a lot more interested in you.

1. When you get home from work don’t walk in the door and ask her what’s for dinner or head straight for the kids to greet them or criticize something you see that annoys you. O.K. None of us like toys scattered all over the front yard but it happens and it’s not lethal. Instead try going straight to her, put your arms around her and give her a hug and say something like, “I’m glad to be home with you after being at work all day,” any statement that indicates to her that you’re happy to see her. If she doesn’t want you to hug her just greet her first and say something nice.

2. Remember when you were dating and you actually showered every day, including washing your hair and then you brushed your teeth so you looked and smelled nice? Have you gotten lazy? Do you do the bare minimum now that you know she’ll have to see an attorney and then a judge to do anything about it? If you want her to want you it’s important to smell nice. Women are turned off by guys who have gotten lazy about personal hygiene. I hear from men all of the time that their wives have gotten sloppy about their appearance but it doesn’t seem to occur to them that showering daily is a desirable thing to do. Yes, many men shower every day but not all men do and of the men who do there are plenty of those men who don’t care if they have bad breath or who put on nice clean clothes when they’re home even if they’re nice clean sweats and not sweats they’ve lived in for a week or wear their favorite shirt, the one with stains all over it that’s gotten too small but he still loves it so he wears it every weekend even when she threatens to throw it away. She just hopes the two of you don’t run into anyone at Home Depot because she doesn’t want anyone to think she married a slob. She wants to be proud of you and that goes for how you look. I know this applies to how men feel as well but I’m not writing about how men feel.

3. Talk to her and not about bills or how much you hate your boss or how stressed out you are from work. Talk to her as if she wasn’t married to you and you wanted to see her again. Wouldn’t you tell her you like her hair or what she’s wearing; wouldn’t you pay her some sort of compliment? Initiate a conversation with her that has to do with the two of you. It could be a memory of something fun or romantic or exciting you did or it could be asking her where she’d like to go for your next vacation and turn that into a conversation by going back and forth with ideas and thoughts about what might be fun, gossip with her if she enjoys a bit of “insider insights.” And there are other topics not related to jobs, money, or kids.

4. Women thrive when they feel like the man they’re with is truly interested in them. Too often women begin to feel like they’re no longer desirable or interesting. They often don’t even feel like a best friend anymore. They observe you laugh and talk with your friends and it hurts to think you don’t care to laugh and talk with them. It hurts when she feels like you’ve lost the excitement you used to have for her.

5. Act like you like her, like you really, truly do like her. Act like you desire her in and out of bed. Be romantic. Be in love with her even if you’re tired or she’s been bitchy or she’s the one in dirty sweats, just act like you’re in love with her even if you’re tired or the kids are annoying or she’s annoying and see what happens.

6. These are some things that women have said to me about what they think is romantic, besides talking to her like you care (they think that’s very romantic). Buy some scented candles if there aren’t any around the house and light them when you go to bed and then hold her for twenty or thirty minutes and tell her you love her without expecting sex in return. Turn on some music and offer to massage her neck or her back or her feet. Draw her a bath and put some scented oil in it and tell her you want her to relax while you put the kids to bed. Be helpful around the house. If something’s broken fix it or arrange to have it fixed. If she’s busy doing laundry or preparing dinner give her a hand so it gets done twice as fast. Help clean up the kitchen after a meal. I swear women think that’s romantic. If she’s cleaning the house tell her you’re going to wash her car for her or that you’re going to get the yard work done unless she wants you to help her and then come and help you, not the car, you can handle that, but the yard could be a shared experience. Think of something fun to do and invite her to do it with you. Don’t always be the go along, get along man, take the initiative and suggest something and then follow through by getting the tickets or making the reservation or whatever it takes to make it happen. Don’t just suggest something and then wait for her to make it happen, that’s not romantic.

In my next blog I’ll write about what men would like from women.