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Author: MJ Klimenko

OF COURSE HE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU!

February 12, 2014
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| Categories: Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

 That doesn’t mean he wants to be in a relationship with you. I’ve worked with many men and women who put themselves on one or more of the online dating sites. I help them with their profiles and with the photos they post. We also talk about things to look for, “red flags,” when meeting someone. Here are just a few. I’ll add to this topic in future blogs: 1. Everyone should have a hobby of some sort, golf, painting, dance, marathon running, knitting, something they do because they really like doing it and they would do it whether or not anyone else was doing it with them. It’s impossible to run a marathon by oneself but it is possible to love running marathons so much that one would sign up for and train for marathons even if no one else did. Other things, like painting or writing, are definitely solo activities. If the person you meet doesn’t do something besides their work or parenting, something they do that they love doing, you can expect that person to think being in a relationship means being together 24/7, and I can’t think of a faster way to kill a relationship. 2. ...

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FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP

February 4, 2014
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| Categories: Personal Growth, Relationships

Here is a link to a video that takes three minutes and six seconds to watch. It's well done and well worth watching. I agree that doing these key things will lead to long term successful relationships. In one part the narrator says, "Both parties should feel free to express themselves as they are and know that they will be heard and understood." If you take away nothing else but that line and live it and practice it daily there is a great likelihood that you will find yourself in partnership and love for a very, very long time.http://www.upworthy.com/if-you-want-a-successful-long-term-relationship-of-any-kind-here-are-3-invaluable-things-to-know-6All posts unless reposts are copyrighted by MJ Klimenko and can't be duplicated or copied without permission of the author.

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WHAT YOUR CHILD DOES NEED FROM YOU

February 3, 2014
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| Categories: Parenting/Children

I’ve written a couple of articles about what your child doesn’t need from you so here’s one about what your child does need from you.  1. Your Interest. We’re all busy most of the time, if not at work then working at the other things we have to do. If you feel like you can just never catch up, never finish with everything you have to do you’re not alone. So when your child starts a conversation with you, wants to tell you something that you’re not particularly interested in hearing, remember a child’s parents are the people who tell her/him whether or not she’s lovable and that’s her starting point for how she feels about herself as she grows into adulthood and out into the world.  2. Your Time. Set aside some time every day, even if it’s only fifteen minutes, to sit with your child and listen or just sit if they don’t want to talk. Meal time is a good time since everyone has to eat. Ask questions about something you know your child is interested in, not the questions you have to ask like whether or not homework is finished but questions that are neutral or positive. At least once a week offer to do something with your child like watch...

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LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES

January 31, 2014
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| Categories: Life Stress, Parenting/Children

            This article pertains to teenagers because consequences are different depending on the age and stage of the development of the child.             First here’s a list of things you need to know about your teenager as they individuate and separate from their family of origin, returning once they’ve successfully navigated adolescence: 1.  Every teenager needs:            a. some rules that never change like they can’t take the car to Lake Tahoe to hang out with their friends for the weekend and having a cell phone is dependent on getting at least a C average in school.             b. some rules can be negotiated like, “If you want to go to the movies after school and you know I don’t let you go to the movies after school what can you do in terms of school work that will show me it’s O.K. for you to go to the movies with Susan this afternoon.”             c. some freedom to choose. If she wants to wear a purple hair extension in her hair it’s fine. 2.  Your teenager will tell you and act like they are in complete control of their lives in word, thought, and deed, especially if they’re hearing something...

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AND YOU ASKED?

January 22, 2014
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| Categories: Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

When I’m working with couples one thing I frequently hear is one person telling the other person what they think, want, feel. I’m always amazed because the other person hasn’t said what they think, want or feel.  The psychological term for this is “projection” meaning the person “projects” on to the other person what they think, want, feel or fear. For instance, if she tells him that she knows he wants a divorce, it can be true that he does want a divorce but it might also not be true. Who knows? He didn’t say it, she did. I use her as the antagonist in this vignette because women most often engage in this style of non-communication although some men do it too.  O.K. That’s the psychological explanation. In real life terms what I see is a whole lot of people telling other people what they think, want, or feel, without ever asking them. Usually, once the accusation has been made, the person making the accusation just keeps on talking, never mind giving the accused a chance to answer.  So this is how it goes:  She: “You haven’t been happy with me for a long time.  He: Silence  She: “Why...

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