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Category: Personal Growth

ONLINE LUNACY

February 18, 2014
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| Categories: Personal Growth, Relationships

Imagine going into a bar, a nice bar so I’ll call it a tavern, takes away a certain boozy aspect. And the people who frequent this tavern weren’t born under a rock nor do they live under a rock. They are intelligent people who are there to relax and enjoy getting away from life’s stresses for a period of time and often they are there to meet someone of the opposite sex, to find the man/woman of their dreams or at least someone who is seemingly relationship material. Are you there? Good. You have a nice seat at the beautiful, long and curved, glossy, walnut bar. Your favorite beverage is in front of you. When suddenly you hear a man say to a woman who is sitting a couple of bar stools away from him, “Hey, nice chest, you look good in red.” And then she calls back to him, “What do you do for a living?” to which he says, “How old are you?” And she says, “How much money do you make?”This exchange has your attention for sure. Then suddenly on the opposite side of where this exchange is taking place a woman says to a man sitting...

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OF COURSE HE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU!

February 12, 2014
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| Categories: Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

 That doesn’t mean he wants to be in a relationship with you. I’ve worked with many men and women who put themselves on one or more of the online dating sites. I help them with their profiles and with the photos they post. We also talk about things to look for, “red flags,” when meeting someone. Here are just a few. I’ll add to this topic in future blogs: 1. Everyone should have a hobby of some sort, golf, painting, dance, marathon running, knitting, something they do because they really like doing it and they would do it whether or not anyone else was doing it with them. It’s impossible to run a marathon by oneself but it is possible to love running marathons so much that one would sign up for and train for marathons even if no one else did. Other things, like painting or writing, are definitely solo activities. If the person you meet doesn’t do something besides their work or parenting, something they do that they love doing, you can expect that person to think being in a relationship means being together 24/7, and I can’t think of a faster way to kill a relationship. 2. ...

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FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP

February 4, 2014
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| Categories: Personal Growth, Relationships

Here is a link to a video that takes three minutes and six seconds to watch. It's well done and well worth watching. I agree that doing these key things will lead to long term successful relationships. In one part the narrator says, "Both parties should feel free to express themselves as they are and know that they will be heard and understood." If you take away nothing else but that line and live it and practice it daily there is a great likelihood that you will find yourself in partnership and love for a very, very long time.http://www.upworthy.com/if-you-want-a-successful-long-term-relationship-of-any-kind-here-are-3-invaluable-things-to-know-6All posts unless reposts are copyrighted by MJ Klimenko and can't be duplicated or copied without permission of the author.

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AND YOU ASKED?

January 22, 2014
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| Categories: Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

When I’m working with couples one thing I frequently hear is one person telling the other person what they think, want, feel. I’m always amazed because the other person hasn’t said what they think, want or feel.  The psychological term for this is “projection” meaning the person “projects” on to the other person what they think, want, feel or fear. For instance, if she tells him that she knows he wants a divorce, it can be true that he does want a divorce but it might also not be true. Who knows? He didn’t say it, she did. I use her as the antagonist in this vignette because women most often engage in this style of non-communication although some men do it too.  O.K. That’s the psychological explanation. In real life terms what I see is a whole lot of people telling other people what they think, want, or feel, without ever asking them. Usually, once the accusation has been made, the person making the accusation just keeps on talking, never mind giving the accused a chance to answer.  So this is how it goes:  She: “You haven’t been happy with me for a long time.  He: Silence  She: “Why...

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SOCIAL ANXIETY

January 16, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Life Stress, Personal Growth

If you know twenty people you know someone who suffers from social anxiety. That’s when a person has anxiety or fear about being judged by others or rejected by others when in some sort of group activity. People with social anxiety often feel like other people are looking at them and thinking negative thoughts about them. Sometimes social anxiety can be so severe it can lead to agoraphobia, a fear of going out of the house at all. Most cases of social anxiety involve avoiding social situations if possible or showing up late and leaving early. It’s a rare person who talks about having social anxiety because they already feel “weird” and out of place. They don’t want to draw any more attention to the fact that they’re counting the seconds until they can leave and escape the discomfort of the situation or that they have a heart beating closer to the way a rabbit’s heart beats than a human’s or feel nauseous or have sweaty palms or all of those symptoms. Social anxiety can be so severe a person can actually get sick before having to go somewhere and often this results in the person not going after all....

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