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Author: MJ Klimenko

A White Lie or a Black Lie?

January 11, 2017
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| Categories: Relationships

Everyone tells white lies to protect the feelings of someone they care about, such as "Do you like my new dress?" And when they think it doesn't matter and they again don't want to hurt the other person's feelings. Darker lies are more like you were here when in fact you were there. You only had one drink when in fact you had six. Those are the kinds of lies that will eventually erode a relationship because enough of them will come out that trust between two people is compromised. This is most often true in significant relationships. Here are some tips about how to get others to tell the truth. There is one caveat here. It's perfectly fine to ask someone what they did that day if it's said in the spirit of companionship and sharing and not in the spirit of snooping on your partner. https://www.truthaboutdeception.com/lying-and-deception/get-others-to-be-honest/limit-questions.html

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The Dumb Fight

January 10, 2017
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| Categories: Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

This article reveals what might be behind some seemingly dumb arguments with your partner. If you're been in a relationship long enough to get past the honeymoon phase you will find yourself fighting, sometime once in a great while and sometimes often, over what you know, if you were being honest with yourself, is insignificant and petty. Yet, at the time you're both angry and standing your ground.That there's something deeper, more meaningful under the dumb fight is reassuring (that you're not a nit picker) and the underneath subject does have meaning. You will both benefit by looking at what you're really fighting about. Sometimes a person is embarrassed to say what's really going on or has been stuffing some other significant issue, unwilling to talk about it and then the dumb fight breaks out. Read some examples here of the dumb fight and what's underneath the dumb fight. http://www.alternet.org/10-dumb-couple-fights-and-what-they-might-be-really-about

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Mental Health Tests and Quizzes

January 8, 2017
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| Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Life Stress, Uncategorized

I found these tests and quizzes at Psych Central. Now here is the disclaimer: if you or anyone you know decide to take these tests just for fun then have fun. However, if you or someone you know is taking these tests and quizzes because you're concerned that you might have one of the disorders, you should seek at least one session of counseling with a therapist to review whether or not the therapist agrees that you do have that diagnosis. Self tests aren't always reliable so don't freak yourself out. Just make an appointment with a licensed therapist. Tests and quizzes can also be fun to take just to prove to yourself you don't have any of these disorders, don't we all do that or at least succumb to Facebook quizzes? http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/

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When Not to Marry

January 5, 2017
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| Categories: Personal Growth, Relationships

For over twenty-six years I've counseled many couples whose marriage was in trouble. By the time they get to my office they're a step away from a lawyer but have agreed to try counseling first. Many couples just need to be taught how to fight fair or to negotiate something in the relationship that isn't working such as how much sex is enough? However sometimes two people shouldn't have married each other and a divorce is a good solution. It's rare but it happens. This is an excellent article about when not to marry: "Review your motivation for marriage before you wed to help you avoid making these mistakes. " http://www.dummies.com/relationships/marriage/knowing-when-not-to-marry/

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Social Anxiety Disorder

January 2, 2017
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| Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

Wikipedia has a terrific article about social anxiety disorder or SAD. It explains everything you would want to know if you think that might be something you or someone close to you has. "Social anxiety disorder (SAD), also known as social phobia, is an anxiety disorder characterized by a significant amount of fear in one or more social situations causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny from others." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety_disorder

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How to Criticize Someone Without Hurting Their Feelings

December 31, 2016
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| Categories: Families, Personal Growth, Relationships

In all of the years I've worked as a psychotherapist this is one issue that cuts across sexes, age, status, wealth and just about everything else. If you "stuff" something, meaning you don't tell the other person what you're thinking or feeling for fear of upsetting them, there will eventually be some fairly serious consequences to you like major depression or anxiety, or drinking too much or self-soothing with food, etc. or to the other person in the form of out of proportion anger or an emotional blowup from you. Something that might have been a manageable issue if was handled right away gets "stuffed" and over time more and more unsaid issues combine into a not very pretty picture. The point being that not being able to say what you think to another person because you're afraid to hurt them or make them mad will have consequences to you and to them. Most people just don't want to hurt the other person's feelings, an admirable idea, and they don't know how to say something critical in a way that the other person will hear without getting upset. This is an interesting article containing tips about how to criticize in...

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