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Category: Relationships

BORED IN THE BEDROOM?

March 21, 2014
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| Categories: Personal Growth, Relationships

You don’t have to be married twenty-years to feel like having sex with your partner would be much more interesting if you could just watch TV oVer his/her shoulder. If you can relate even a little bit to that then it’s likely that your partner isn’t having a peak experience either. I know. I can hear the women howling as I type. Yes, ladies, he probably won’t turn away an invitation but don’t think for a moment he doesn’t wish you’d spice it up a bit. The chief complaint I hear from men is that their partner used to like sex but now she doesn’t anymore. She had a kid, she’s not sexual, she’s too busy, is always sick, and so on. First, if you’re not having a great time your partner isn’t either so don’t throw yourself into a silent sulk or get a sick headache. It’s your job to take control of the situation and make some changes. Recognize that your partner’s crystal ball isn’t working. You can wish all you want but, if you don’t say anything, nothing is likely to change. Don’t do the “I’m great and everything would be great if he/she would only change.”...

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WHO ARE YOU?

March 5, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

Here's an interesting article about a link between chronic stress and psychological problems such as anxiety disorder. How would you know if you're experiencing chronic stress? You probably read that question and thought it was a dumb question because doesn't everyone know if they're experiencing stress and wouldn't anyone know if the stress they're experiencing is chronic? Yes, a person knows what their subjective experience of their life is and was but people are also easily influenced and the placebo effect is around fifty percent. I often hear people admonish other people to "slow down," "take a break," "get rid of some of the stress in their life," "learn to relax," and so on or, even more exciting, are the people who suggest to other people that they're going to have a heart attack or a stroke or some other unpleasant life event if they don't get rid of some of the stress in their life. That means that someone could actually be feeling good as they're working hard toward a goal or juggling several life events at once or working long hours and a well intentioned observer (read family member or close friend) will offer an admonishment like the...

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ONLINE LUNACY

February 18, 2014
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| Categories: Personal Growth, Relationships

Imagine going into a bar, a nice bar so I’ll call it a tavern, takes away a certain boozy aspect. And the people who frequent this tavern weren’t born under a rock nor do they live under a rock. They are intelligent people who are there to relax and enjoy getting away from life’s stresses for a period of time and often they are there to meet someone of the opposite sex, to find the man/woman of their dreams or at least someone who is seemingly relationship material. Are you there? Good. You have a nice seat at the beautiful, long and curved, glossy, walnut bar. Your favorite beverage is in front of you. When suddenly you hear a man say to a woman who is sitting a couple of bar stools away from him, “Hey, nice chest, you look good in red.” And then she calls back to him, “What do you do for a living?” to which he says, “How old are you?” And she says, “How much money do you make?”This exchange has your attention for sure. Then suddenly on the opposite side of where this exchange is taking place a woman says to a man sitting...

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OF COURSE HE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU!

February 12, 2014
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| Categories: Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

 That doesn’t mean he wants to be in a relationship with you. I’ve worked with many men and women who put themselves on one or more of the online dating sites. I help them with their profiles and with the photos they post. We also talk about things to look for, “red flags,” when meeting someone. Here are just a few. I’ll add to this topic in future blogs: 1. Everyone should have a hobby of some sort, golf, painting, dance, marathon running, knitting, something they do because they really like doing it and they would do it whether or not anyone else was doing it with them. It’s impossible to run a marathon by oneself but it is possible to love running marathons so much that one would sign up for and train for marathons even if no one else did. Other things, like painting or writing, are definitely solo activities. If the person you meet doesn’t do something besides their work or parenting, something they do that they love doing, you can expect that person to think being in a relationship means being together 24/7, and I can’t think of a faster way to kill a relationship. 2. ...

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FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP

February 4, 2014
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| Categories: Personal Growth, Relationships

Here is a link to a video that takes three minutes and six seconds to watch. It's well done and well worth watching. I agree that doing these key things will lead to long term successful relationships. In one part the narrator says, "Both parties should feel free to express themselves as they are and know that they will be heard and understood." If you take away nothing else but that line and live it and practice it daily there is a great likelihood that you will find yourself in partnership and love for a very, very long time.http://www.upworthy.com/if-you-want-a-successful-long-term-relationship-of-any-kind-here-are-3-invaluable-things-to-know-6All posts unless reposts are copyrighted by MJ Klimenko and can't be duplicated or copied without permission of the author.

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AND YOU ASKED?

January 22, 2014
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| Categories: Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

When I’m working with couples one thing I frequently hear is one person telling the other person what they think, want, feel. I’m always amazed because the other person hasn’t said what they think, want or feel.  The psychological term for this is “projection” meaning the person “projects” on to the other person what they think, want, feel or fear. For instance, if she tells him that she knows he wants a divorce, it can be true that he does want a divorce but it might also not be true. Who knows? He didn’t say it, she did. I use her as the antagonist in this vignette because women most often engage in this style of non-communication although some men do it too.  O.K. That’s the psychological explanation. In real life terms what I see is a whole lot of people telling other people what they think, want, or feel, without ever asking them. Usually, once the accusation has been made, the person making the accusation just keeps on talking, never mind giving the accused a chance to answer.  So this is how it goes:  She: “You haven’t been happy with me for a long time.  He: Silence  She: “Why...

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