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Category: Transitions

A MAJOR REASON PEOPLE DON’T GET WHAT THEY WANT

August 19, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships, Transitions

I hear about this every day in my practice. A wife wishes her husband would take her somewhere without the kids, a husband wishes his wife would get up and have a cup of coffee with him before he leaves for work. A woman or man is very unhappy with their job yet they stay, nose to the grindstone, just waiting for the weekend. In all of these cases and many more, the major reason people don’t get what they want is because they don’t believe in themselves. They often think they do but when I review with them what they do to get those needs met I’m always struck by how easily people throw in the towel, give up, say it can’t happen. That’s because the conscious part of their mind tells them they are worth it because the conscious mind knows that’s the right answer but somewhere buried in the subconscious mind is an old message, from a parent or a teacher or a school peer or someone else they were exposed to early in life who told them that they weren’t good enough, that they should accept what they can get because they’re not really good enough,...

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DEPRESSION, WHAT IT IS, WHAT NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS IT

July 2, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Life Stress, Parenting/Children, Personal Growth, Relationships, Seniors, Transitions, Trauma

Here is a link to a blog article about depression and what well intentioned people shouldn't say to anyone who is depressed. The interesting thing about what not to say is that most people will be tempted to say at least one of the eleven listed because they seem so, well, helpful or distracting or humorous. None of these eleven statements are helpful to people suffering from depression. Depression can be situational or a person may have a genetic predisposition for depression and, in either case, there are better things to do. For one, encouraging a depressed person to share with you what they're feeling then listening and responding with empathic statements like, "It sounds like you're having a hard time right now," or "Tell me how you're feeling so I can try to understand." Taking the time to listen without comparing what they're saying to what you feel or your Aunt Gertrude feels can be very comforting and even helpful to a depressed person. Here's the link to what not to say: www.medicalbillingandcoding.org/blog/11-things-you-should-never-say-to-someone-with-depression  

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BABY BOOMERS, FACTS AND FICTION

May 21, 2014
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| Categories: Aging, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Seniors, Transitions

Some people, mostly women, of a certain age have determined that they prefer living alone and that being in a relationship is not something they yearn for. As my grandmother put it several years after my grandfather died, "I already cooked and cleaned for one man. I don't want to cook and clean for another one." And that's just fine because those people are making a choice and the choice that pleases them. Still, there are many seniors who would like to have a partner and do want to fall in love again. In fact, there are plenty of seniors who will fall in love, and hold hands, kiss, make love, and fall asleep next to someone who makes their heart happy. Unfortunately, there are certain mythologies about seniors that circulate as fact when they’re actually fiction. Many seniors don’t have any expectation that there is a special person for them. So they don’t look, they don’t hope, they don’t aspire to anything but they do feel lonely and depressed. If a senior believes that the only thing to look forward to is going to church to pray to whatever god they believe in that they go quick and without...

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SUFFERING

April 30, 2014
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| Categories: Addictions, Aging, Anxiety, Depression, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships, Seniors, Transitions, Trauma

“The foundation of all mental illness is the avoidance of legitimate suffering.” -Carl Jung No one who is suffering wants to be told that their suffering is legitimate suffering. Mentally Healthy people want the suffering to stop, want to return to a mental place where they are no longer suffering. If you are looking for a sign or a guide, this post will help you. That makes sense. Emotional suffering can be just as awful as physical suffering. I can tell someone that their suffering won’t last, that even if they do nothing a better day will come or, at the very least, they will grow and learn new ways to be that are more rewarding  but no one has ever skipped out of my office praising the virtues of suffering no matter what I say to them. Still, Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, made a good point with his statement. Suffering is part of the human condition. No one escapes suffering. The question is what is legitimate suffering? Here’s a partial list: 1. You lost a loved one to death, divorce, or illness. 2. You lost something you valued, a job, a home, a pet. 3. You...

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INFORMATIVE ARTICLE FOR PARENTS of TEENAGE GIRLS

April 3, 2014
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| Categories: Families, Life Stress, Parenting/Children, Transitions

In general parents of teenage girls report frustration at the seemingly unpredictable and wildly fluctuating emotions their daughters exhibit. Sometimes the behavior is extreme and sometimes mild but most parents of teen girls will say that their daughters, in contrast to their teenage boys, spend a lot more time involved with emotional interactions with peers, girlfriends, boyfriends, what to do, what not to do, the dreadful breakup or the nerve of that girl trying to act like she's better and so on. And when a parent attempts to talk to their daughter about something seemingly dramatic taking place in her life, to help her make sense of it all or work through something, the parent is often rejected or told that "they just don't get it," exit to the bedroom, shut door, play loud music, talk on phone, ignore parent as much as possible until crisis passes at which point daughter who seemed to be on the brink of despair emerges smiling and talkative until the next time. This scientific article explains what's going on with the developing girl's brain during adolescence: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-news/2009/brain-emotion-circuit-sparks-as-teen-girls-size-up-peers.shtml

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NOT A GOOD DATE?

March 31, 2014
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| Categories: Aging, Anxiety, Depression, Families, Seniors, Transitions

Dear MJ, My friend likes to take the bus trips to Reno for a fun time out. We live in an assisted living complex so I like to get out too but I don’t always like to go on bus trips, especially when it’s always to go gambling and have a few drinks. I wouldn’t mind going with her sometimes but when I ask her to do other things with me she says she’s too busy. Is she really my friend? What should I do? Sincerely, Not a Good Date Dear Not a Good Date, You’re probably are a good date, and I bet you’re a lot of fun to be with on the bus trips, otherwise she wouldn’t keep asking you. In any friendship, the hardest thing to do is talk about things that might make you or the other person uncomfortable. You need to change the way you think about “uncomfortable situations” and realize that “fact finding” conversations don’t have to be uncomfortable at all. First, it’s important that you come up with more than one thing you like to do so you can offer your friend a “menu” of other fun activities. Maybe you like longer trips...

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