DEPRESSION, WHAT IT IS, WHAT NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS IT

Here is a link to a blog article about depression and what well intentioned people shouldn't say to anyone who is depressed. The interesting thing about what not to say is that most people will be tempted to say at least one of the eleven listed because they seem so, well, helpful or distracting or humorous. None of these eleven statements are helpful to people suffering from depression. Depression can be situational or a person may have a genetic predisposition for depression and, in either case, there are better things to do. For one, encouraging a depressed person to share with you what they're feeling then listening and responding with empathic statements like, "It sounds like you're having a hard time right now," or "Tell me how you're feeling so I can try to understand." Taking the time to listen without comparing what they're saying to what you feel or your Aunt Gertrude feels can be very comforting and even helpful to a depressed person. Here's the link to what not to say: www.medicalbillingandcoding.org/blog/11-things-you-should-never-say-to-someone-with-depression  

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BABY BOOMERS, FACTS AND FICTION

Some people, mostly women, of a certain age have determined that they prefer living alone and that being in a relationship is not something they yearn for. As my grandmother put it several years after my grandfather died, "I already cooked and cleaned for one man. I don't want to cook and clean for another one." And that's just fine because those people are making a choice and the choice that pleases them. Still, there are many seniors who would like to have a partner and do want to fall in love again. In fact, there are plenty of seniors who will fall in love, and hold hands, kiss, make love, and fall asleep next to someone who makes their heart happy. Unfortunately, there are certain mythologies about seniors that circulate as fact when they’re actually fiction. Many seniors don’t have any expectation that there is a special person for them. So they don’t look, they don’t hope, they don’t aspire to anything but they do feel lonely and depressed. If a senior believes that the only thing to look forward to is going to church to pray to whatever god they believe in that they go quick and without...

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SUFFERING

“The foundation of all mental illness is the avoidance of legitimate suffering.” -Carl Jung No one who is suffering wants to be told that their suffering is legitimate suffering. Mentally Healthy people want the suffering to stop, want to return to a mental place where they are no longer suffering. If you are looking for a sign or a guide, this post will help you. That makes sense. Emotional suffering can be just as awful as physical suffering. I can tell someone that their suffering won’t last, that even if they do nothing a better day will come or, at the very least, they will grow and learn new ways to be that are more rewarding  but no one has ever skipped out of my office praising the virtues of suffering no matter what I say to them. Still, Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, made a good point with his statement. Suffering is part of the human condition. No one escapes suffering. The question is what is legitimate suffering? Here’s a partial list: 1. You lost a loved one to death, divorce, or illness. 2. You lost something you valued, a job, a home, a pet. 3. You...

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INFORMATIVE ARTICLE FOR PARENTS of TEENAGE GIRLS

In general parents of teenage girls report frustration at the seemingly unpredictable and wildly fluctuating emotions their daughters exhibit. Sometimes the behavior is extreme and sometimes mild but most parents of teen girls will say that their daughters, in contrast to their teenage boys, spend a lot more time involved with emotional interactions with peers, girlfriends, boyfriends, what to do, what not to do, the dreadful breakup or the nerve of that girl trying to act like she's better and so on. And when a parent attempts to talk to their daughter about something seemingly dramatic taking place in her life, to help her make sense of it all or work through something, the parent is often rejected or told that "they just don't get it," exit to the bedroom, shut door, play loud music, talk on phone, ignore parent as much as possible until crisis passes at which point daughter who seemed to be on the brink of despair emerges smiling and talkative until the next time. This scientific article explains what's going on with the developing girl's brain during adolescence: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-news/2009/brain-emotion-circuit-sparks-as-teen-girls-size-up-peers.shtml

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NOT A GOOD DATE?

Dear MJ, My friend likes to take the bus trips to Reno for a fun time out. We live in an assisted living complex so I like to get out too but I don’t always like to go on bus trips, especially when it’s always to go gambling and have a few drinks. I wouldn’t mind going with her sometimes but when I ask her to do other things with me she says she’s too busy. Is she really my friend? What should I do? Sincerely, Not a Good Date Dear Not a Good Date, You’re probably are a good date, and I bet you’re a lot of fun to be with on the bus trips, otherwise she wouldn’t keep asking you. In any friendship, the hardest thing to do is talk about things that might make you or the other person uncomfortable. You need to change the way you think about “uncomfortable situations” and realize that “fact finding” conversations don’t have to be uncomfortable at all. First, it’s important that you come up with more than one thing you like to do so you can offer your friend a “menu” of other fun activities. Maybe you like longer trips...

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FINDING YOUR VOICE AS YOU AGE

Of course, finding your voice at any age is great, as many people are too focused on what other people think and not what they feel or think. For seniors, however, finding one's voice is especially critical because so many assumptions are made about seniors today. Here are some common one: All seniors prefer to be with their families over all other activities. All seniors have nothing to talk about but their aches an pains. Seniors have given up being sexual. Seniors are grateful for the things others take them to or invite them to and are happy with that. Seniors don't know how to flirt, be silly, joke around, dream about the future, have great desire and passions. These are just a few of them. I could list many more. We, as seniors, need to find a collective voice that tells this country who we really are, not just tax phobic, insulated, half bathed elderly people who hope someone will invite them somewhere to get their minds off of worrying about their health. We were young once and have a lot to share, we have stories about the history of this country, about the history of where we live,...

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