Newsflash! You don’t need to Get Away.

Now, If you’re over forty you’ve probably grown out of trying to find reasons to get away from your partner. You’ve come to realize the one you got is actually the one you truly love, so most articles about couples and time apart are written for millennials. However, if any of you feel like it may be bad for your health to spend a lot of time with your spouse, as in “me time,” read on: https://twin-cities.umn.edu/news-events/make-time-your-spouse-couples-spend-time-together-are-happier-individuals    

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HOW CAN BEING REALLY NICE DRIVE A MAN AWAY?

Well there’s nice and then there’s too nice. We should all be nice people meaning polite, sensitive to others, helpful when we can. Some women, hoping to get or keep a man, take it too far. Here’s a partial list of the too nice behaviors that come to mind: 1. You hate football but pretend you like it and act really excited about a game whether it’s in your home or one of his friends has invited you to their home. You make lots of little snacks, fill the fridge with beer or whatever you think they like to drink and are so cheerful it appears that you may have had a lobotomy in the past twenty-four hours. You greet each one of his friends and partners, if they have them; with so much enthusiasm it’s clear you’re faking it. In fact, you’re so faking it that it’s obvious and you're such a great cheerleader you drink too much, talk too much, cheer too loud, because you believe this is going to make him love you more. Actually it’s pretty repulsive behavior because you’re taking up all of the air in the room. It would be better if you said...

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YOU DESERVE

“you deserve flowers on your doorstep and coffee in the morning you deserve notes left on your dashboard and ice cream sundaes at 3am you deserve honesty every day and to be kissed every hour you deserve to be reminded how beautiful you are” --anonymous Came across this and thought about all of the couples I’ve worked with who did these things for each other when they first met and fell in love. This period is called the “honeymoon” period or the “infatuation” period and doesn’t have to go away. It generally goes away when a baby arrives or shortly after or the couple has been married longer than two years even without children or there’s some sort of family crisis, illness or death in the family or there’s financial hardship. Every event in the list above is stressful. And these are the times when one or both of the partners begins to believe the other doesn’t love them or loves them but isn’t interested in what’s going on with them or says they’re interested but never comes up with any ideas for something fun to do or works late and doesn’t help out much at home and so on....

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FOR DADS AND MOMS

This article is about a wonderful gift a father can give his child. It's also a wonderful gift a mother can give her child. Parents model adult behavior for their children. They also model what loving someone is about: caring, consideration, communication, tolerance. If a child doesn't have good role models the child won't know what is acceptable and unacceptable, won't have anything to fall back on when navigating a relationship that, like all relationships, hits a difficult patch. Read this article for insight and  inspiration. http://www.families.com/blog/the-best-gift-a-father-can-give-his-child  

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A DIFFERENT WAY TO LOOK AT CHANGE

Most people in relationships will try to change if their partner nags, yells, threatens divorce, or refuses to speak for a week. They'll change for a short time but they won't really change because they resent you and they resent how mean you are to them. They don't think of what they could/should be doing to foster a good relationship. That would require taking responsibility for the problem which they can't do because they, in my example, don't have a problem. You have the problem. You can change yourself. A different way to look at change is to think of your partner as someone who wants to please you (even if you don't believe it) and approach your partner as if he/she were your best friend. Isn't it interesting how nice we are to friends and how rudely we can behave toward our partner because we have rationalized to ourselves that they deserve it. Then think of something you can offer your partner by way of change. For instance, if you are very unhappy about your partner turning into a couch potato to watch ball games all day on Sundays, and you feel lonely and uncared for, try offering something...

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LOVE OR APATHY

If you're in a relationship and have been in one for a while, that would mean longer than a year, you can probably remember how your heart quickened when you saw your loved one. You might even be one of the people who say that they knew as soon as they saw their partner that he/she was the one. And weren't the kisses divine. And the talking, my my it seemed like you'd never run out of things to talk about. You were so happy, you couldn't believe how happy you were and you believed you would be in love with that special person forever. For those of you who didn't eat that bitter pill of disillusionment and walk away, who are still together but feeling like that old spark just isn't there anymore. Where did those kisses on the back of the neck go, those torrid nights, those little things like discovering  a love note on the counter upon awakening? You know, the attention to detail, groomed and perfumed, dressed well and not in fifteen year old sweats and tennis shoes even the Goodwill wouldn't accept. How about those sexy little things that are sexy little things if you're...

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