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Category: Anxiety

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? WHAT MAKES YOUR PARTNER HAPPY?

March 18, 2015
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| Categories: Addictions, Aging, Anxiety, Creativity, Depression, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

If you’re not mean to your partner it’s up to her to make herself happy. You can’t make another person happy. It’s not the same as giving a gift or a surprise birthday party, which do make people happy in the moment. I’m talking about another adult who is  chronically unhappy. You say, “Nice day”. They say, “What did you mean by that?” Go on about your day. Happiness with life in general is up to each of us to give ourselves. How do I give myself happiness? You’re thinking. We’ve all heard from all kinds of sources that we should live in the moment, practice mindfulness, forgive others, meditate, live in the present not the past or the future. And now be aware that whomever wrote or said those things made themselves happy by doing them. One or more of those things may make you happy too or none of them are what you need to make yourself happy so don’t do them. They make someone else happy not you. Make yourself happy by considering what you, yes; you actually want to do when you’re not working to pay for doing more of it. Forget about what you should...

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HOLIDAY BLUES OR SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER?

January 6, 2015
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| Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Life Stress

This is the time of year when it gets dark earlier and the skies are gray and it's raining or snowing or it's freezing outside or any combination of these. During and after the holidays many people feel depressed and overwhelmed. Sometimes it's because they're lonely and wish they had people to spend the holidays with and sometimes it's because people are trying to accomplish a lot while they continue to tend to their already busy schedule, trying to buy presents on a budget for everyone they would like to give a gift to or because, in their enthusiasm, they put way too much on their credit cards and now they're trying to figure out how to get them paid along with the bills. So there there are factors like weather, holidays, and money that do create stress and sometimes depression. However, there is another type of depression that occurs during winter months. It's caused by having fewer daylight hours and fewer sunny hours. This condition is referred to as SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder. I'm going to put a paragraph in this article that I've quoted from a Medscape article about this type of depression and also give credit...

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HOW CAN BEING REALLY NICE DRIVE A MAN AWAY?

September 28, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Personal Growth, Relationships

Well there’s nice and then there’s too nice. We should all be nice people meaning polite, sensitive to others, helpful when we can. Some women, hoping to get or keep a man, take it too far. Here’s a partial list of the too nice behaviors that come to mind: 1. You hate football but pretend you like it and act really excited about a game whether it’s in your home or one of his friends has invited you to their home. You make lots of little snacks, fill the fridge with beer or whatever you think they like to drink and are so cheerful it appears that you may have had a lobotomy in the past twenty-four hours. You greet each one of his friends and partners, if they have them; with so much enthusiasm it’s clear you’re faking it. In fact, you’re so faking it that it’s obvious and you're such a great cheerleader you drink too much, talk too much, cheer too loud, because you believe this is going to make him love you more. Actually it’s pretty repulsive behavior because you’re taking up all of the air in the room. It would be better if you said...

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A MAJOR REASON PEOPLE DON’T GET WHAT THEY WANT

August 19, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships, Transitions

I hear about this every day in my practice. A wife wishes her husband would take her somewhere without the kids, a husband wishes his wife would get up and have a cup of coffee with him before he leaves for work. A woman or man is very unhappy with their job yet they stay, nose to the grindstone, just waiting for the weekend. In all of these cases and many more, the major reason people don’t get what they want is because they don’t believe in themselves. They often think they do but when I review with them what they do to get those needs met I’m always struck by how easily people throw in the towel, give up, say it can’t happen. That’s because the conscious part of their mind tells them they are worth it because the conscious mind knows that’s the right answer but somewhere buried in the subconscious mind is an old message, from a parent or a teacher or a school peer or someone else they were exposed to early in life who told them that they weren’t good enough, that they should accept what they can get because they’re not really good enough,...

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TOO YOUNG TO KNOW

July 31, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

That extremely thin women weren't considered beautiful or fashionable, even by the fashion world, until a model named Twiggy became very popular in the 1960s. The majority of women in this country were born after 1950 so they're too young to know the history of "skinny vs. fat." The advent of skinny being sexy hadn't existed before Twiggy. I know because my nickname in high school was "Broom." No one thought I was attractive. I think I paid my first date to take me to a high school dance or maybe I blackmailed my brother into doing it.  Everyone thought I was too skinny. Then came Twiggy and she made skinny beautiful. So, without doing a thing I went from being "Broom" and unattractively skinny to an overnight sensation (O.K. That's an exaggeration but you get my point). With a flip of the advertising industry I could stop being embarrassed and start being cool, which, it turned out wasn't that much fun anyway. In the 1950s Marilyn Monroe had the "ideal" body and was considered one of the sexiest women on the planet. Marilyn was a size fourteen. Today she would be considered chubby or even fat. Here is a...

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DEPRESSION, WHAT IT IS, WHAT NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS IT

July 2, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Life Stress, Parenting/Children, Personal Growth, Relationships, Seniors, Transitions, Trauma

Here is a link to a blog article about depression and what well intentioned people shouldn't say to anyone who is depressed. The interesting thing about what not to say is that most people will be tempted to say at least one of the eleven listed because they seem so, well, helpful or distracting or humorous. None of these eleven statements are helpful to people suffering from depression. Depression can be situational or a person may have a genetic predisposition for depression and, in either case, there are better things to do. For one, encouraging a depressed person to share with you what they're feeling then listening and responding with empathic statements like, "It sounds like you're having a hard time right now," or "Tell me how you're feeling so I can try to understand." Taking the time to listen without comparing what they're saying to what you feel or your Aunt Gertrude feels can be very comforting and even helpful to a depressed person. Here's the link to what not to say: www.medicalbillingandcoding.org/blog/11-things-you-should-never-say-to-someone-with-depression  

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